In working paper stemming from my dissertation, I argue that given the failures of the US elder care system, scholars must reconceptualize the role of the family in elder care and more deeply consider older adults’ care preferences. Current scholarship assumes that the family – namely, adult daughters – will fill gaps in public support for elder care. In contrast, my ethnographic and interview data reveal that many older adults do not want to rely on family members for care. In particular, older women, who had often cared for their parents, in-laws, and husbands, recognized that the elder care system is not sustainable for family caregivers. As a result, they turned toward their communities for care. Instead of relying on their adult children, for example, older spousal caregivers tapped into their social networks to find care support. Older adults with resources actively planned for future care that would not rely on traditional family structures. Turning outside the family for care, however, did not necessarily disrupt gender norms around unpaid reproductive labor; older women continued to provide care for their friends and neighbors. These findings point to the complexity of older adult-care partner relationships and the growing importance of elder care outside the family. As the US population ages, community caregiving may become more common in filling gaps in the elder care system, but gender imbalances in caregiving may still persist.